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Adventures of a Bored Teen: Omegle #1

So I found a couple of my old Omegle chat logs from like… way back and I thought I should post some of them, which made me smile, for the enjoyment of those with nothing better to do with their time or are too afraid to be stampeded by the onslaught of peen one finds when surfing through Omegle.

This particular log is taken from January this year, so not to long ago, and it highlights the multitude of humour the so-called, and possibly self-proclaimed, famous seem to lack. Enjoy the read… or don’t. I’m not even sure why I thought this was a good idea.


Once upon a time on the twelfth of January, within the messy birth of a dark and unspeakable year a young 17-year-old was browsing the internet in search for a cure for boredom. Hidden behind her black screen of death, she is surprised to meet a fellow black screen of death. Unexpectedly this companion of the dark arts does not pass by her like many others of her kind, so she wishes to befriend this dark black square. And so permits her greetings.

Narrator: Hello~

To her dismay the stranger only replies with a short and blunt answer. Leading her to belive he was not truly interested in befriending her. He didn’t even use capitals for heavens sake!

Stranger: hi

In a hopes of constructing a more meaningful conversation she inquires of this travellers health, making sure to use friendly emojis so as not to scare this new being away.

Narrator: How are you? 🙂
Stranger: good
Stranger: u mf?

The lack of capital letters dismay the young girl and the use of grammar puts her in distress. At least he used a question mark but a slanty / in-between mf. He could have just shortened MILF, how should she know?! His punctuation and abbreviations are appalling. Honestly.

Narrator: Female as they come.
Stranger: show me

His imperative twangs through the girls brain. She decides to humour him, as he appears quite impatient from a black box of death. She unslumps herself from browsing position and turns on her camera, smiling challengingly. Yes. Female. Female as they come.

Stranger: ok lol

Lol. LOL. She despises that acronym. Rude. She issues her challenge, emojis intact.

Narrator: Female enough? :p
Stranger: you’re cute

FIREWORKS EXPLODE AND RAINBOWS FALL ACROSS THE SKY! CUTE! She was called cute! It’s almost as if it wasn’t an adjective used by all the black boxes of doom she’s ever met! Ah. It’s true love. She replies the only way she can.

Narrator: ^^

She was aware that there were so many different ways to engage the reader within this conversation and prehaps a happy pointy emoji wasn’t the most talkative, but she did not really care.

Stranger: want to c?

First of all… IT’S A THREE LETTER WORD YOU DON’T NEED TO ABBREVIATE IT. Secondly, that’s always the start of a ‘OMG I’VE GOT A D*CK’ line. Don’t use that. Please.

Narrator: Your face? Yes, that would be lovely :3
Stranger: I can’t
Narrator: 😦
Stranger: im internet famous
Stranger: this is my guilty pleasure

HE WANTS TO SHOW THE PEEN. Her mind does not explode as this assumption of peen is unfortunately all to common within this internet world. However the words ‘internet famous’ ring through her mind. Maybe she’s a fan and can finally meet this celebrity. What an absolute honour. AND HE CALLED HER CUTE! SHE’D FINALLY FOUND HER SUGAR DADDY TO GET HER THROUGH UNIVERSITY! SHE WAS GONNA BE FAMOUS!

Narrator: How famous? :p
Stranger: 567k on ig
Stranger: sorta?

Flashbacks of her nokia phone and lack of social life flash through her mind.

Narrator: I don’t have ig so you’re good xD

Damn. There goes the sugar daddy. Along with her sanity for using such an god-awful abbreviation for Instagram.

Stranger: play with me?

No thanks. Scared of clowns.

Narrator: I only play with people who have heads :3

A moment’s pause as she questions her phrasing. Is that discrimination against people who don’t have heads… or do I just have a weird kink? The black box of darkness opens and a bearded man appears. She thinks he has a nice beard.

Narrator: Nice beard :3
Stranger: lol ty
Narrator: Risking your internet fame? :p
Stranger: lmao I believe your innocence
Narrator: o:)
Narrator: Because I am :p

Nope. She has no idea who he is. Good beard though. She is glad he decided that she was trust worthy with his secret. To bad she had decided she was going to save a copy of the chat for later amusement. It was not a wise decision to trust her with this mighty and powerful secret.

Stranger: can you show off for me?

Yaaaas~ Time to brag. The young girl liked talking about herself… unfortunately it was the only person she could talk about… she wouldn’t be on Omegle if people actually talked to her about life.

Narrator: Hmmmm… I kinda know the basics of fire-breathing but it wouldn’t be a very good thing to do indoors :/
Narrator: I got an A* in an English GCSE once, that was fun.
Narrator: I was on TV once.
Stranger: you’re witty

THAT IS THE CORRECT USE OF AN APOSTROPHE GOOD JOB FAMOUS BEARD MAN!

Narrator: Hmmmmm.
Stranger:
that was sexy
Stranger: you know what I want

Again, are you asking a question or stating a  fact, she wonders. I mean, if a fire-breathing english nerd with a soft spot for BBC News is what you look for in a girl, no judgement is made. However… is it too much to ask one of these poor unassuming souls to use a thesaurus? It’s the simple things in life.

Narrator: Ice cream?
Narrator: I’d kill for ice cream.
Stranger: lmao
Stranger: cute
Stranger: real cute

It appears that sarcasm is not appreciated. It also appears that he did not want ice cream, drawing the conclusion the girl allegedly did not know what he wanted. His statement is judged incorrect.

Narrator: So is that a no for ice cream?
Stranger: im lactose intolerant ;(
Narrator: Dude! That sucks!

It is a deep tragedy when a fellow being cannot indulge in the pleasures of this creamy treat. Take a moment of silence to pray for those who cannot eat their sorrows away with Ben and Jerry’s.

Narrator: How do you live?!
Stranger: yeah, I eat meat
Narrator: So you’re into guys then? :p
Stranger: lmao no

Sarcasm and wit was not appreciated. The young girl giggling at her own immature joke, laughs louder as the iggy famous star leaves in a brilliance of light. “Stranger has disconnected.”. His stardom was short-lived.


As one can tell, my brain has not matured since secondary school and I honestly thought I was hilarious at the time. Yes, it was.. 4 months ago. I MATURED IN A SHORT ABOUT OF TIME OKAAY (it’s a lie don’t belive me). I hope the commentary made it more interesting to read, it’s probably not what I was thinking at the time, but it is how I interrupted it whilst reading through just now. It is relatively short compared to most of my conversations… but oh well. You guys can suffer reading my cow pat pile of writing not me! I hope you enjoyed, stranger!

 

Be safe online.

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